we're blogging at a bar
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
