I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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