even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
