do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
