I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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