Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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