How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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