yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
