how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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