I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize