I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh god it's open bar.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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