My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
