listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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