"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish they made helmets for livers.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
