its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
