We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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