I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
