so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
