Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i think my cat just said my name.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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