im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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