It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
