addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
