I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
