so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
