Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
