Sry I called you an 8
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
