we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
