so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
