I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
