thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
