you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
