not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize