I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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