oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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