i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
