Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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