is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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