Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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