chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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