it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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