Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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