I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
