i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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