You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
