New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
