Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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