ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
