you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
