you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I want a musical about memes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
