I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
