12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
