put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
