Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
