I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
