It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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