Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
