Sober January is a disaster.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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