just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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