Sry I called you an 8
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
