Michael Bay diarrhea
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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