Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
