what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
