No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize