I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
