Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize