We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
