Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
