Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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