my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
