He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
